I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
