Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize