I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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