part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
