make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
