FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
