I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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