Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
