Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
