I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
