Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
