Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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