last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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