Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
