He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
