I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
