I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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