I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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