I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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