Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
