Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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