Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
