I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
