just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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