So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
