One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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