dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
