I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
