So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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