You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You may now shotgun with the bride
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
