erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize