Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize