if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
