If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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