Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
