whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
