im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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