Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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