I wish I could teleport
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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