...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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