just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
