So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
