I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
