Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
