remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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