apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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