in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
