So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
