dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
