I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
