your parents love me but you hate me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
