last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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