my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
