I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
