At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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