Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
