dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
