You're my little dorito
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i think i have two assholes
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
a search helicopter?!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
