I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
