Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize