Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
