I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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