I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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