this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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