Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
