We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
