As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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