Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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