I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
