I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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