i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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