Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
