You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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