i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
