But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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