I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
