Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
