I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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