I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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