I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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