How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
