3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
