i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
