Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
