Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
