I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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