I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I supernannyed him into submission
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
