similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
