dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
