i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
