he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
