can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
