Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
