"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
