Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
