is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
