you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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