Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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