i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
