Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
