she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
