happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
