I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
