Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
