i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this beer tastes like vomit already
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
