he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just high enough for therapy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
