So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
