she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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