She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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