made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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