maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I faked an abortion last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
