I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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