oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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